12.13.2008

Reeling in

Sometimes I feel like my heart is a marionette. A puppet controlled by strings – strings that do not belong to me. And instead of protecting those strings, I would rather give them away freely, as a fisherman flings out a line into the lake. Sometimes I forget it is the fish that captures the fisherman, rather than the fisherman catching the fish.

My big finals at school are over! And finally I have time to concentrate on Christmas, and all those other things. It’s been crazy; this whole week has been a whirlwind. Actually the whole semester has been like that: studying, studying, tests; reading, reading, writing. But although it’s been overwhelming, it’s also been pretty awesome.

I the feeling after a good semester - it’s like the feeling you get when it seems like you’ve been preparing for Christmas for months, and then all of a sudden it’s over. Or like a great book, that you’re enraptured in, and can’t put down until it’s over, no matter the length. Or maybe it’s more like cruising down a highway, and suddenly having to slam the brakes.

Because, although classes can roll us up in circles of studying and tests, when it’s all over and done with, I’m going to miss a lot of people – a lot of friends. And I hate that feeling; a feeling of happiness and sadness mixed together. I’d rather be able to concentrate on one emotion, than on two opposites, any day.

Of course, it’s not that bad. My friends and I will keep in touch. And I’ll be coming back with different classes. Of course it’s the people who make the place, but the place is what keeps the memories.

So do you know why it is the fish that captures the fisherman? It’s because although the fish is caught physically, it’s the fisherman who relies on the fish for his living, his whole way of life. Yes, on the outside I’m strong, but my heart - my marionette - does not belong to me.

9 comments:

Rafé said...

I understand who you feel...

are you in college?

Glass Mannequin said...

Well, giving away the strings to your heart is like putting paint to the brush. If you never put some paint to the canvas, a beautiful painting can't occur. Similarly, falling in love is like playing a game. You can throw the hook as far as you can and hope the fish grabs hold but if he doesn't, the fisher man has nothing.

One of my friends wrote a poem about her heart. She said,
"First time: That's that little nick on the side. Should've learned from that.
Second time: That's that scrape on the left. Should've stopped there.
Third time: Yeah, that dime sized hole straight through.
Fourth time: The stake is still in there from that one.
Fifth time: That three pronged slash.

That's the one that killed it."

But the moral of the story isn't to bury your heart, never to be found. The moral is to have hope and to hold out your heart. To put it on the line, daring all to try to keep it.

Glass

P.S. You can have my heart anytime.

Lydia said...

Why, thank you! You have a very nice one as well. :)

Beaut!fully Br()ken said...

Hi. Can get what you're feeling. Have a great Christmas ! :)

jEeRo said...

cAn understand how u feel..on being happy u r finally free from all those studying n stuff..n bein sad at the same time..
n yes i do agreed one cant really handle two emotions at the same time..
well..hope u have a great holiday
have fun in your xmas shopping!
=]

Sara said...

Thanks for the comment! Your blog is pretty sweet, not gonna lie! I especially like the poem previous to this post.
:)

•¦Amy¦• said...

I get the Marionette thing...I feel like giving someone those strings all the time.

Oh, what a busy world we live in. I'm constantly in rehearsals right now, no time for anything else. I can't wait until Christmastime, so I can just relax and be with my family.

Okie said...

Great metaphor about life. I think we've all felt like someone else is pulling our strings. There are many times when I actually wish somebody could pull my strings because then I could blame them for the outcome after a particularly difficult decision.

I also love the idea that your heart's strings don't belong to you. That's an intriguing and great perspective. For a truly selfless relationship, a person does need to submit his/her will to the other. That doesn't mean giving up his/her own self, but merely aligning completely with the other person.

Congrats on finishing up another semester. It's such a relief. I'm really going to enjoy the next ~3 weeks...I get to read what I want to, when I want to, how I want to. ;)

Brii333 said...

that makes sense. if you don't let someone else take the strings for a while, you'll never experience any real feelings.

thanks for the comment on my blog. your's is pretty sweet, as well. :)