Sometimes I feel like my heart is a marionette. A puppet controlled by strings – strings that do not belong to me. And instead of protecting those strings, I would rather give them away freely, as a fisherman flings out a line into the lake. Sometimes I forget it is the fish that captures the fisherman, rather than the fisherman catching the fish.
My big finals at school are over! And finally I have time to concentrate on Christmas, and all those other things. It’s been crazy; this whole week has been a whirlwind. Actually the whole semester has been like that: studying, studying, tests; reading, reading, writing. But although it’s been overwhelming, it’s also been pretty awesome.
I the feeling after a good semester - it’s like the feeling you get when it seems like you’ve been preparing for Christmas for months, and then all of a sudden it’s over. Or like a great book, that you’re enraptured in, and can’t put down until it’s over, no matter the length. Or maybe it’s more like cruising down a highway, and suddenly having to slam the brakes.
Because, although classes can roll us up in circles of studying and tests, when it’s all over and done with, I’m going to miss a lot of people – a lot of friends. And I hate that feeling; a feeling of happiness and sadness mixed together. I’d rather be able to concentrate on one emotion, than on two opposites, any day.
Of course, it’s not that bad. My friends and I will keep in touch. And I’ll be coming back with different classes. Of course it’s the people who make the place, but the place is what keeps the memories.
So do you know why it is the fish that captures the fisherman? It’s because although the fish is caught physically, it’s the fisherman who relies on the fish for his living, his whole way of life. Yes, on the outside I’m strong, but my heart - my marionette - does not belong to me.