The Reason Why

Defiant: (adj. di-fahy-uhnt) Boldy resisting authority or an opposing force; challenging

If we want something bad enough, we go for it, right? We have to at least try to chase after what we want, even if its course is like a butterfly; up, down; right, left – like it wants to purposefully tease us. Either that or we just give up. . . Ah, so let me start at the beginning:

I was homeschooled, and then my parents put me into community college (a couple years earlier than usual). My parents promised me if I went to community college I wouldn’t have to take the SAT or GED because I would be considered a transfer student. It sounded like a good deal to me; an easy way out – so good it almost couldn’t be true.

However, a few months later, my sister started questioning, “Are you sure? On the internet it’s pretty clear that all transfers need the SAT & GED.” But that changed when I visited my transfer advisor last month, and he happily informed me, “Nope, you don’t need the SAT or GED.” I was so relieved – it’s that sensation you get when it feels like bricks have been lifted off your wings so you can finally fly.

I hurriedly started to fill out applications, but slowly started to get this sinking feeling – my sister was right – the colleges did clearly state that I needed the tests. But, the transfer advisor was the authority - he had even stated he would call the schools personally to talk with them about the SAT & GED. However, just to make sure of everything, I saw him again this month, and pointed out what the applications stated. And he was like, “What? For all transfer students?” He quickly informed me that I needed to take the SAT & GED - this month.

So suddenly I’m in crash course for the SAT three hours every day plus a couple hours of homework. Now I’m caught applying for the GED, hoping I can squeeze by in time. Other things have changed too: every time I want to get out, my dad suggests that I’m not spending my time well, if I’m not studying. With the GED my parents don’t seem to understand, “Well can’t you just take that in April? Why now? Or, “We don’t want to drive you to that location for the test. Can you call up the GED office and ask them these questions?” I love my parents, but I hate that realization of feeling like I’m doing this all alone.

I know I’m aiming high – I’m shooting for Yale, I’m going for Vanderbilt and Pomona among others. I know it’s going to be hard too, trying to take the SAT & GED while applying & writing essays for colleges and taking six classes at my community college at the same time. But I’m not stupid – I have an extremely high GPA & on the Dean’s List, I’m awarded most valuable in Student Activities Committee, I’m in the Phi Theta Kappa & Sigma Alpha Pi, and soon to be Vice President of Sigma Kappa Delta. But is that enough?

Sometimes I feel so alone, pushing myself to do something that no one’s helping me with. I’ve realized I am expected to do the impossible, and I’m going to try. It’s one of those things where you either give up completely, or chase after with your whole being. I can do it. I can make it. Normally, people do not have to do this completely on their own, but I’ll rise to the occasion. And I keep telling myself that before I give up, I have to remember why I’ve held on for so long.

Tenacious: (adj. tuh-ney-shuhs) Persistent or stubborn; holding fast; holding together

{I’m sorry I haven’t been able to comment recently on your blog, but now you have the reason why. & please comment on my blog if you’d like – it means the world to me. Thanks guys! :) }


Brian said...

Continue to aim high in life.

grace and peace,

milai said...

"Sometimes I feel so alone, pushing myself to do something that no one’s helping me with..."

Hey, you have us and we believe in you. Your posts convey that you are a sensible, mature girl and I know you can do it. Fly high!

"...But is that enough?"

Please know that Y-O-U are enough as a person. :)

And I am glad to know that you are being spirited about this.

"...or chase after with your whole being. I can do it. I can make it..."

I wish you the best. :)

Kyle Hendricks said...

Don't give up! Keep trying, keep going, and know that you are never alone in anything.

simpleman said...

Dont ever give up on this. You are a very intelligent and mature woman and you know exactly what you need to do. You know the steps that need to be taken, so take them.
Chase it with your whole being like you said!
I love the way you write/speak. Even in a sticky situation its beautiful and really well put.

Okie said...

Dang...a lot of drama. You sound very organized, dilligent and persistent, so I'm sure you'll get everything straightened out and ready to go.

Good luck with your lofty college applications. What major/specialization are you looking for?

Kia said...

Keep chasing your dreams and doing your best! It is so inspiring to listen to someone who has goals and knows its not going to be easy to accomplish them, but refuses to let that stand in her way. 2 of my favorite quotes are "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you will land among the stars" and "Success is a journey, not a destination". Good luck!

•¦Amy¦• said...

I too am getting my GED this year!

Don't stress too much! The test is actually quite easy. :]

You're very smart! I have no doubt that you'll go very far in life.

Here's wishing you the absolute best!


~Silver said...

Hang in there! As you can see from everyone who's commented, your not alone, we're all behind you. Don't give up. It'll soon be over and then you'll be able to relax a little. Good Luck. :)

Glass Mannequin said...

I love you butterfly. When the wind is too strong, hide behind the glass. You can call me anytime. I'm done with school now.

James said...

Aim forever high in life and you will forever suceed. You will do well. Ethics are strong. Very very strong. DO what you can and you can make the best of the situation

Katie Alender said...

I think any university would be lucky to have someone like you on campus. It sounds like you're not letting this snag turn into an obstacle.

One of the graces of aging is that confidence you had to work for when you were young becomes part of you. The important thing is to work for it, though! You can't grow anything without planting the seed.

Savy said...

"Shoot for the moon because even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

I think you are a very determined person and that's a great quality to have. I wish you the best of the best on your SAT and GED and I hope you remember that you can do ANYTHING if you want it badly enough.

But I can tell you will be great <3 You already are.