1.23.2009

Numb to Numbness

If we cry enough - if we’re hurt enough - we become numb to the pain, right? We’ll become numb enough not to feel, because we’ve already been through the indescribable things. For if we’ve already been burned by fire, how could we feel again? If we’ve already drowned, how can we drown again? If we're already frozen, how can we be frozen once more? If we’ve fallen, we just get used to picking ourselves back up. The things that happen today prepare us for tomorrow.

That’s what I used to think.

Sure it’s a good attitude – maybe it even makes sense. But it’s not true. Because no matter how much I’ve cried, no matter how much I'm hurt, the pain doesn’t lessen, it just adds up. We can’t become numb enough to block out the hurt, because to do so, we have to block out the love too. To banish the feeling that eat us up, we have to kill all feeling.

Because it’s the people we love who hurt us most deeply, we usually don’t care so much about others - people we don’t love – and what they say & do to us. When we give our hearts & love to our friends, our family, we give them the power to hurt us, but we trust them not to. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always that work that way.

Some people think crying is weakness but when something hurts, and it means the world to us, sometimes it’s better to let it out. And if we really think about it, tears usually aren’t stupid – they’re beautiful because they mean we care deeply about something. They mean we’re strong enough to go for something great, at the risk of being hurt.

23 comments:

Kia said...

Its funny that you brought up this truth because there are so many times in life that we put our heart and soul into something without the reassurance that we will achieve our goals. Its scary to want something so much and know that even if you do everything in your power, you may not get it in the end. It is still hard to accept this, but i think that if i give it my all, i will be okay with the outcome even if it hurts. As long as i can look back and know there is nothing i would have done differently, i will have no regrets. Its kind of like the old saying its better to have exposed your vulnerability and been hurt than to never put yourself out there.
Thanks for your comments on my blog!

Anonymous said...

hang in there!

Yerika =] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Savy said...

I think it takes more courage and strength to face the things that hurt the most than to cut ourselves off from our feelings. And I think that if we TRUELY dedicate 100% of ourselves to something, we cannot fail.

Stay strong! You know we love you <3

simpleman said...

Tears are natural.. Never be afraid to shed them or show them.

Stay strong.. I hope everything is okay.

jEeRo said...

yEs u are right..the pain and hurt doesnt get any lesser and we dont get used to the pain and hurt that has been thrown to us..i know..i do know how it is like...

if we could become numb enough not to feel..is it really a good thing?..seriously i dont know..cuz at the moment now i dont know what to feel..

hang in there gal!...
remember u are not alone in this..

Brii333 said...

i know i used to think like the first paragraph as well. i've also found that it's not necessarily true, as well. it seems to me that no matter how much you try to block myself from pain, it's simply worse when the dam finally breaks loose and you have to feel everything you didn't want to, all at the same time. just hold on, things'll get better if you let them. **hugs**

Savy said...

Hey I have something for you on my blog :) Check it out.

www.lifeofacerealkiller.blogspot.com

Kyle Hendricks said...

I used to think that I would just be one big callous. That no matter what beat into me, I could just bounce right back even harder, and I'd be numb. Invincible.
Hehe, that plan was dead the first day.

Romans 12:2 said...

Wow. I understand your point and I believe you wrote it in the best way it could possibly be written. That pricipal can be applied to a whole lot of things. - Bob

twistingby said...

that's true, to really be 'numb' you have to disregard the love too....i don't think anyone can truly be numb, some people might choose to ignore the pain, but after a while, it will all smack you on the back...
tears are definitely good i think. they help us let whatever is inside out, after crying you feel refreshed sometimes, or at peace with whatever hurt you and your mind is clearer... it depends on the type of cry i guess. b

Jaerixon said...

No, no, that's not right. It is true, we adjust, learn to cope with things, become stronger. However, you only get stronger if the pain you feel gets progressively worse and worse. Think of it like doing pushups. Maybe as a kid, I could only do 5 or 10. Then I started doing 15, then 20, 30, etc. Sure, I may have felt some burn and sting doing 10, but it wasn't until I really started to hurt that I began to adjust and make improvements. Another way progression is hindered is if it is stretched out over time. I could probably do 1000 pushups, over the course of a week, but its not gonna get me anywhere. Thirdly, if you have any type of comfort or benefits to counteract the pain, that will halt progression as well. If I were running and took breaks whenever I got tired, I wouldn't get much better at running. So Weight trainers and athletes will all tell you the same thing.

I think you probably experience all three of these. Your pain is probably not exceptionally large, its also probably stretched out over time, and you probably at least have some comfort. So your not progressing, but at the rate your experiencing things, you shouldn't expect to.

Secondly, all of what your saying has already been discussed and thought about in Buddhism, as one of its key beliefs is that desire leads to suffering. That is exactly what your experiencing. Your desire has led to your suffering, and in all honesty, its probably your fault. Not because of anything you exactly did, but simply because you got too attached. People are untrustworthy, so why trust them?

Next, you said crying isn't weakness. Your like the runner who takes breaks when things get to hard. Don't be like that.

Lastly, you said, "And if we really think about it, tears usually aren’t stupid – they’re beautiful because they mean we care deeply about something. They mean we’re strong enough to go for something great, at the risk of being hurt."

I'm like ? because that makes no sense to me. Why get attached to something when there is the risk of getting hurt? You wouldn't bet on the losing horse, and you wouldn't get involved in a fight you can't win, unless you had to, but no one is forcing you, so to me, going into a situation you already know runs the high risk of getting hurt, is just plain stupid.

Make wise choices, not what your emotions tell you.

Glass Mannequin said...

What is pain? That's a question.

If you asked a Marine what pain is, he would answer, "Weakness Leaving The Body."

If you ask a mother what pain is, she might say something about watching her children suffer.

An athlete might say it is watching someone beat you.


But what is pain?

It is merely a message. A response. Your best friend gets hurt in an accident. He is in pain. You hurt for him too. So do his parents, siblings. It spreads, seeps, infects.

But your friend may recover. And if he doesn't time will help heal the ravaged heart of parents, siblings, and friends.

Because that's the miracle of humanity. We heal. And a healed weakness becomes strength. But only if you let it.

Be strong little butterfly.
Glass

Prince Trase said...

You have to stay strong and keep your head up. We all go through hardships, and we have to duke em out!

Cosette said...

I know how you feel. I've been dissapointed by so many people, and I decided to go into denial and told myself it didn't hurt. Worse move I ever made. Don't go into denial. Feeling numb to pain makes you feel dead, and it gives you a different pain that is 10x more painful than feeling the original hurt.

I feel the same way about crying...I feel like i'm not being strong enough if I cry, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore and I cry for a long time.

Cursed♪♫ said...

http://staryeyedandscreeming.blogspot.com/2009/01/wow-m-glad.html
hey. view this. u need to ! you'll regret ! fast !!!!!! :)

only a lover said...

to feel is real... sometimes we feel a little bit more than other times... just like sometimes we analyze things more than other times...

i think it's important to understand why you feel things, so you can deal with them...

but emotions are beautiful.. even the painful ones... it means maybe you cared...maybe you loved...

your blogs are pretty cool too... keep writing, keep reading!

•¦Amy¦• said...

Crying is beautiful, and important. It's acoping mechanism that helps us get through what's troubling us, what's hurting us.

It's takes a lot more strength to get through something, and to face it head-on, then to just let it pass by.

Great Post.

James said...

I do not wish to show weakness. O also, I wanted to thank you for reading my blog. And You can become numb to a point, but pain will forever return within you.

C.L. Dawn Yang said...

This is so truth, life is all about make memories, God is love, if God live in us we have plenty of love can give to others ( I am back... been gone on blogger for a while, keep writting!)

milai said...

"For if we’ve already been burned by fire, how could we feel again."

It is said that fire on an already burnt skin is more painful, even unbearable.

And yes, crying is not a weakness. For me, I cry because I am moved. And I do care deeply. It is a form of emancipation that once tears leave my eyes, I free myself from bottling it all up. Then my path to healing begins.

Hope you are feeling better now. :)

Adrian LaRoque said...

I agree, tears are emotions that we let go to keep going.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog while I was searching some stuff on google.

I must say, I love reading your blog. Your posts are very thought provoking, and I think you must have been someone who's been hurt deeply by someone you love (may it be a friend or whatever)....because from all the blogs I read, I realize one thing.

For one to be able to write about pain and numbness in such a way that it connects to us, the person must have gone through a lot of pain him/herself.

Thank you. You've reminded me it's okay to cry again.