My Dad used to yell at me a lot when I was little, and I thought it made me stronger. I mean, I thought that if I could bear my own Dad's shouting, I could take anyone’s shouting. It makes sense, right? But it turns out I was wrong. Because when others yell at me, it’s like my scabs peel off inside. I think I can handle it, but each time someone yells, I feel this new remembrance wave crash upon me.
And I think that one of the main reasons we hate is so we can’t be hurt anymore – because hate is the opposite of love, and the people we love are the ones who have the power to hurt us. So when they do hurt us, there’s nothing else like it, because we trusted them not to. It’s kind of like they betrayed us in a way.
That’s why we sometimes hate most deeply what we’ve loved most intensely - like parents, or, for some, God. We feel like they’ve let us down, when we trusted them. And there’s no real way to stop loving someone you’ve truly loved, but we start hating – because of hurt. And it’s not that we stop loving exactly –although maybe we think so– it’s just that we start covering it with hate.
But is there a way out? I guess we have to make an effort, have to make a set-will, a goal, to look past hate. And sometimes we have to realize that when people hurt us, they don’t really know what they’re doing. Okay, maybe they do – but they have no idea what extent they’re hurting us - after all, we loved them, and they probably loved us. For God, for some of us, we just have trust that he knows what he’s doing.
As for me, you could ask anyone, and they would tell you I’ve never yelled.