2.13.2009

A Real Person

Sometimes my Mom sounds a little too much like me. Yesterday she decided to get into this discussion about how a real person goes past what other people say, and goes ahead anyway. She says that’s the sign of a person who’s grown up – a person who’s complete.

However, last night my Mom told me I’m not capable. And when someone tells you something that, labels you like that, you kind of get this cold icy feeling gush over you – or at least I do. I think she noticed, as she quickly told me that I need to prove her wrong. I need to look past what she says - like a real person - and go ahead anyway. I shouldn’t let words stop me.

But I feel like, to not care about what she says, I have to believe that I’m on my own – that I am the only person who cares for me. That I’m a lone soldier fighting on my own, because the people who love me most seem to have left my side. However I don’t believe I’m alone – I believe that people are supposed to support each other – that maybe a lone soldier can fight a battle, but not a war, as an army could. But my parents are the people I most deeply love, so how can I fight against what they say? How can I not feel words from the people who are supposed to love and support me in every way that is good? How can I take someone out of my heart, if they occupy the whole of it?

Sometimes we believe what we want to believe, rather than the bare truth. I want to believe that I can go past what my parents say and not be negatively affected by it. I want to believe that what they say, or rather challenging what they say, makes me stronger – that it’s for my good & that they’re teaching me not to be reliant upon them.

But that’s not true.

Because what they say hurts, what they say cracks open my heart. I am affected by what they say, and it tears me apart. They are not supposed to be my challenge; they are supposed to help me get rid of my challenges. That’s my truth. They are wrenching me – twisting me – and how can you say that breaking something and gluing it back together makes the object stronger? How can you say going past what you feel makes you become a complete person?

For our feelings make us people, our reasoning makes us human. I am not a dog, not an ant, not a fish. I am human. I am not dead. I am alive. I am not ignorant. I feel with my heart, and think with my mind.

11 comments:

simpleman said...

I love the passion you have!! That is exactly why you cant stop. Your passion is why you have to keep moving forward. Maybe your mom was pushing you towards your goal in a different way?

I agree the we need support. We need someone behind us with possitive encouragement..but this isnt a perfect world and we are never going to get what we think is right. Keep fighting for what you believe in and what you think is right. Dont let people hold you back.

Glass Mannequin said...

Blackened wood is strongest. Clay is fired to become strong and durable. Swords are hammered and beaten and heated up until the scrap metal they once were becomes an instrument upon which men wager their lives.

But you aren't any of those things.

But silver, like wood, clay, and steel, needs to be fired and refined.

•¦Amy¦• said...

You always write with such urgency, and it's beautiful darling. :]

I know that feeling, when someone tells you you're not ready, and you feel cold. But your mom's right we have to prove those people wrong and step out and make a name for ourselves. The world is ours if only we take it!

Romans 12:2 said...

I have to agree with the Glass Mannequin. Hebrews 12:6 - Bob

mariposa said...

Thanks guys :) Glass & Bob, I get what you're trying to say. However, the whole point of my post is about how I am not something that does not feel.

Blackened wood may be the strongest, but does it feel the process of becoming blackened? Clay is fired to become strong, but it has no heart or mind. Silver can be fired & refined, but it cannot experience pain.

I know that I will/need to go past what people say - however I also know that usually people don't have to struggle against what their own parents say.

So that's what I meant, and I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear enough. Thanks.

Kelvin Oliver said...

Hi there! This blog is encouraging and being able to move forward in life and moving those bricks out of the way is exactly what needs to be done. This post was something I needed to read. Something new and refreshing after a long week at school. Stay strong and enjoy the weekend!

James said...

You have an amazing amount of passion, and are able to think very much and are an amazing person. Trust me, you are a real and worthy person who can achieve a lot if you put your mind to it. Sometimes, our emotions can be our downfall.

Oladapo Ogundipe said...

Hope you had a great valentines day

deko and posh said...

Words and dialogue can be so disturbing sometimes but you must know who special just being you is, it does not matter what anyone else says, thinks, or does!

Dave said...

Wow, well said. Remember to lead your heart, with your mind....Your heart will lie to you at times it's not to be trusted.

Stray Cat said...

Free will makes us human. With that comes human error. This post reminds me of my own mistakes as a mom . . . Parenting is a sacred journey---always another chance to get it right. If I were talking to my own daughter, I would tell her to be patient. Take care