Sometimes it's so frustrating when people who are considered higher, more learned, or more experienced than ourselves, give opinions that we don't really agree with. Like today - some of my friends and I heard about a person who did a some pretty offensive things. So we decided to bring it up with an older experienced adult for his suggestions. But his advice was that he was glad we were stirred up about it - happy that we wanted to do something about it - yet he said that things like that happen, and sometimes we just have to accept them.
But I disagreed. I wanted to say that there wouldn't be a fire of opposition in us, if we couldn't do something about it. I wanted to say that we don't just watch the world burn - we're in the world. I wanted to speak up but, he was the type that wouldn't care about my opinion - I'm not the expert like him, how would I know better? In fact, a challenge might be looked down upon, even by my friends.
It's like there's this level - this wall - of power in the world. There's the child, there's the adult. This is the worker, that is the boss. Here's the experienced person, and here's the new man. There's the president, and look, here's a citizen.
But sometimes a child can see things the adult overlooks. Sometimes the worker knows what's going on better than the boss, and would tell the boss if given the chance. Sometimes the new man knows a better way, sometimes a president forgets he needs the vote.
So when we're the adult, the boss, when we're the experienced person, or the president, we have to remember what - or who - makes us great. We have to remember who we were before we were great - remember to be open-minded. Because are there really adults if there are not children? Bosses if there are no workers? Presidents if there are no citizens?
And what makes a great leader so great is that he or she recognizes that fact - sees through that wall of power. Knows that no matter where people are in "rank", we're all created equal - that we're all human. That even a child can teach a significant lesson. That there might be a wall, but it's on the same land.
{there's no such thing as too many comments :)}
{thanks to my followers & commenters - it means a lot.}
9.28.2008
9.25.2008
the little message
My history teacher was talking about the Black Death a few days ago. And he made me think - what if an epidemic suddenly came here, now, and saw to the death of thousands? What if death was a fact, if every day people we knew and loved were dying? What if we had to suddenly face death ourselves?
And, of course, we know that isn't going to happen - it couldn't happen. Which is precisely why it would be so terrible if it did happen. What would you do? What would disappear from our dreams, what would we see as really important? Would we start praying every second? Would we cry? Or would we live for the moment - and meet death with nothing more than acceptance?
And that's what my story, in the post right below this, is all about.
And, of course, we know that isn't going to happen - it couldn't happen. Which is precisely why it would be so terrible if it did happen. What would you do? What would disappear from our dreams, what would we see as really important? Would we start praying every second? Would we cry? Or would we live for the moment - and meet death with nothing more than acceptance?
And that's what my story, in the post right below this, is all about.
My 14th Century Shadow
The woman breathed in deeply and let the crisp cold air surround her lungs. Suddenly, mid-breath, she came to a halt in the dead center of the street with the confronting realization.
Yes, she could smell it.
Or rather, she could feel it – feel it curling in-between the dress folds, feel it slapping harshly against her cheeks, and feel it brutally stinging her heart. Yes, she could smell it – she could feel it: that mingled cry of fear hanging above like a mass of clouds. It had come: the Black Death. The townspeople had known it was coming – had waited for it even – until the day it came. However, it was only at the plague’s arrival that their minds changed from the silent patience to panic.
The woman continued walking briskly. Her total body was still numb with shock – it felt like she wasn’t human. There was no more sense of time. No, none at all. Death haunted, and death watched. Suddenly all the material wishes she had ever dreamed of having – money, clothes, a grand house, even servants - had surprisingly disappeared. They weren’t important, they didn’t matter anymore.
Now, she only wanted to survive. She wanted hope, yearned for life, and everything beautiful to be found in it. Now, she only wanted her daughter to recover from this hovering death. But she was just a mouse cornered by the serpent. She slammed the door.
The next thing the weary woman heard was her daughter’s feeble voice calling to her, and she then rushed to her bedside, but stopped. The stench – it was unbearable. And to see flesh rotting - dead flesh - on a live human, her very own daughter, to see the glassy eyes, and the bleeding rashes - yes, she always hesitated for just a second, before going on.
“Yes, darling?” She held back just a little.
“I’m dying.” She whimpered.
“You don’t know that, you mi–”
“Nooo.” Hurting tears gushed out. “I’m dead, look at me. Mama . . . tell everyone I’m sorry.”
“What? You have nothing to be sorry about.” She tried desperately to calm her child.
“Yes, I do. I’ve done everything wrong. I’m scared - I don’t want to die. Why do I have to die?” She moaned. “Why didn’t we run away from this, Mama? Why didn’t we spend our money to live like the nobles, while we had the chance? Why, Mama, why? I don’t want to die. I’m too young to die. And in a few years no one will even remember my name.”
“Darling, we couldn’t leave – you know that.” The daughter tried to speak, but her mother put her finger to her lips. “Papa’s work is here, besides, where would we have gone? Where could we have fled? As for living like nobles, how could we be remembered as the people who lived only for the moment? It’s okay, you’ll be all right. You don’t need to be remembered as someone great or famous, what’s really worth living for, is being remembered in a heart that you have touched. And you’ve certainly accomplished that. Darling, it’s all right, I love you.”
The mother didn’t care anymore about the smell, about the sight or the feeling of her child. She cuddled her daughter gently. “Hold on,” she whispered.
(please comment!)
(& feel free to follow my blog)
Yes, she could smell it.
Or rather, she could feel it – feel it curling in-between the dress folds, feel it slapping harshly against her cheeks, and feel it brutally stinging her heart. Yes, she could smell it – she could feel it: that mingled cry of fear hanging above like a mass of clouds. It had come: the Black Death. The townspeople had known it was coming – had waited for it even – until the day it came. However, it was only at the plague’s arrival that their minds changed from the silent patience to panic.
The woman continued walking briskly. Her total body was still numb with shock – it felt like she wasn’t human. There was no more sense of time. No, none at all. Death haunted, and death watched. Suddenly all the material wishes she had ever dreamed of having – money, clothes, a grand house, even servants - had surprisingly disappeared. They weren’t important, they didn’t matter anymore.
Now, she only wanted to survive. She wanted hope, yearned for life, and everything beautiful to be found in it. Now, she only wanted her daughter to recover from this hovering death. But she was just a mouse cornered by the serpent. She slammed the door.
The next thing the weary woman heard was her daughter’s feeble voice calling to her, and she then rushed to her bedside, but stopped. The stench – it was unbearable. And to see flesh rotting - dead flesh - on a live human, her very own daughter, to see the glassy eyes, and the bleeding rashes - yes, she always hesitated for just a second, before going on.
“Yes, darling?” She held back just a little.
“I’m dying.” She whimpered.
“You don’t know that, you mi–”
“Nooo.” Hurting tears gushed out. “I’m dead, look at me. Mama . . . tell everyone I’m sorry.”
“What? You have nothing to be sorry about.” She tried desperately to calm her child.
“Yes, I do. I’ve done everything wrong. I’m scared - I don’t want to die. Why do I have to die?” She moaned. “Why didn’t we run away from this, Mama? Why didn’t we spend our money to live like the nobles, while we had the chance? Why, Mama, why? I don’t want to die. I’m too young to die. And in a few years no one will even remember my name.”
“Darling, we couldn’t leave – you know that.” The daughter tried to speak, but her mother put her finger to her lips. “Papa’s work is here, besides, where would we have gone? Where could we have fled? As for living like nobles, how could we be remembered as the people who lived only for the moment? It’s okay, you’ll be all right. You don’t need to be remembered as someone great or famous, what’s really worth living for, is being remembered in a heart that you have touched. And you’ve certainly accomplished that. Darling, it’s all right, I love you.”
The mother didn’t care anymore about the smell, about the sight or the feeling of her child. She cuddled her daughter gently. “Hold on,” she whispered.
(please comment!)
(& feel free to follow my blog)
9.21.2008
Just the Shards
So I was wrong.
Our dreams - our goals - they do not always come true. And it doesn't seem right to say, and it doesn't seem right to hear. But people can - and people will - crush us. They can hurt our souls, they can make us cry. And sometimes it's better to acknowledge, than to hide, the facts. Sometimes it's better to open up the bottle, even if you have crash it against the wall & watch while the glass shards fly, than to keep it all inside. I have to say, the hardest part about our dreams is trying to distinguish between whether they can become reality or if they really are something we need to give up on. But I always like to say, before you give up, remember why you held on.
When I was around seven, I took ballet. I loved it. I would practice with my friends, I would twirl around the house, I would make my little sister dance with me: it was what I would do forever. And somehow I knew that with all my heart. But suddenly, my parents made me quit because of schoolwork.
When I was ten, I was playing on soccer teams. I loved it, running around with the ball at my feet - at my command - and maneuvering quickly around my opponents. I still have my awards and trophies to prove it. But I had to quit again to focus on studies.
Throughout this, I was ice skating every once & a while (I started about when I was five). And I started getting really good. I could jump, spin, and complete the arabesque to perfection. People told me I could go places. I put my heart into it - it was my life. But, about ten years later, my parents wouldn't drive me to the rink any more. That did break me.
And what do you do, when the people who are supposed to love you the most, don't believe in your dreams - don't let you follow them? What do you do? I realize that they wanted my sister (they made her quit stuff also) and me to focus on our studies. I know that they thought they were doing what's best. I know that. But also I know that if they could see just an ounce of how much they hurt me, they might have done something different. But how do you tell someone more than what you've already said? And ever since I've always noticed that the first thing a gold medalist says, after winning, is that they owe it to their family.
So yeah, it's not the biggest issue. I wasn't starving, no one was trying to kill me, I didn't have a fatal disease. But the big problems always start small, no? Anyways, you know I didn't go to the Olympics - you have to have start young & stick with it. It's out of reach. Dream gone. But dreams can go - can be ruined. Yet, sometimes we forget that we can dreams new dreams. If we can't do something one way, we can do it another way. Just because someone crushes one goal, doesn't mean we can't just think up another - because we can. We can have new dreams, we can keep going.
And you know what? I forgive them, because you have to let go to hold on again. Because somehow, it makes me stronger. We can lose dreams, but we never ever lose the ability to dream new ones. Just believe in yourself, even if it seems like you're alone. Because people will love you for it. Because you owe it to yourself.
(would love to read your comment)
Our dreams - our goals - they do not always come true. And it doesn't seem right to say, and it doesn't seem right to hear. But people can - and people will - crush us. They can hurt our souls, they can make us cry. And sometimes it's better to acknowledge, than to hide, the facts. Sometimes it's better to open up the bottle, even if you have crash it against the wall & watch while the glass shards fly, than to keep it all inside. I have to say, the hardest part about our dreams is trying to distinguish between whether they can become reality or if they really are something we need to give up on. But I always like to say, before you give up, remember why you held on.
When I was around seven, I took ballet. I loved it. I would practice with my friends, I would twirl around the house, I would make my little sister dance with me: it was what I would do forever. And somehow I knew that with all my heart. But suddenly, my parents made me quit because of schoolwork.
When I was ten, I was playing on soccer teams. I loved it, running around with the ball at my feet - at my command - and maneuvering quickly around my opponents. I still have my awards and trophies to prove it. But I had to quit again to focus on studies.
Throughout this, I was ice skating every once & a while (I started about when I was five). And I started getting really good. I could jump, spin, and complete the arabesque to perfection. People told me I could go places. I put my heart into it - it was my life. But, about ten years later, my parents wouldn't drive me to the rink any more. That did break me.
And what do you do, when the people who are supposed to love you the most, don't believe in your dreams - don't let you follow them? What do you do? I realize that they wanted my sister (they made her quit stuff also) and me to focus on our studies. I know that they thought they were doing what's best. I know that. But also I know that if they could see just an ounce of how much they hurt me, they might have done something different. But how do you tell someone more than what you've already said? And ever since I've always noticed that the first thing a gold medalist says, after winning, is that they owe it to their family.
So yeah, it's not the biggest issue. I wasn't starving, no one was trying to kill me, I didn't have a fatal disease. But the big problems always start small, no? Anyways, you know I didn't go to the Olympics - you have to have start young & stick with it. It's out of reach. Dream gone. But dreams can go - can be ruined. Yet, sometimes we forget that we can dreams new dreams. If we can't do something one way, we can do it another way. Just because someone crushes one goal, doesn't mean we can't just think up another - because we can. We can have new dreams, we can keep going.
And you know what? I forgive them, because you have to let go to hold on again. Because somehow, it makes me stronger. We can lose dreams, but we never ever lose the ability to dream new ones. Just believe in yourself, even if it seems like you're alone. Because people will love you for it. Because you owe it to yourself.
(would love to read your comment)
9.20.2008
It's Who
You know how they say it's who we're with, not where we are? It's so true. Wherever I am, the place may seem great - but it's nothing compared to the people who might be there. Or, in other words, the people are the ones who make the place. I seriously don't know what I'd do without my friends - ranging from people I say "Hi" to everyday from my best friends, and to the people I hang out with each second, from even to, you, my blogger friends :)
Like today - I had my black belt pre-test, and I was kind of nervous. And you know how sometimes we tend to think the worst under stress: which would be failing for me. But many of my friends were like, "Oh, you'll just blow them away, girl." And I love that: being able to borrow confidence outside of myself. Kind of like how music can make us dance, even when we don't want to.
And I did great on the test - I knew I could - I just wasn't sure if I would. It was kind of crazy though - the whole pre-test. When I first entered the room, where a dozen of us were testing, you could smell almost the pressure and hear the whispered fears. I hate that - going from the blue skies outside to an atmosphere where no one smiles. Probably not a good thing - considering how much my friends playfully tease me about how I can't not smile. But the only thing we should fear is fear itself, no?
So here is something for you. It's not too polished, but you'll get the jist of it :)
To All my Friends
Old and new; young and old;
Stayed and left; gone and remained;
To the ones who laugh with me;
To the ones who laugh at me;
To the ones who think I’m cool and clever;
To the ones who will stick with me forever;
The friends who think I’m absurd and weird;
To the ones who never ever feared;
For the ones whom with I’ve cried,
During the times when I’ve been tried;
To the friends who’ve shown me the way;
To them who never let me forget how to play;
To the friends who forgive;
The ones who taught me how to live;
For the ones who are always there;
For them who constantly care;
To the friends who carried me over valleys;
For the ones who’ve shown me the deep dark alleys;
For the friends who make themselves well heard,
Flying free like a bird;
For the friends who’ve been there through thick and thin;
For the friends who value me as much as I do them;
To my close friends; and to the ones I barely knew;
To the friends I’d want to know more,
Deeper and deeper to the core;
For the ones who are honest;
For the friends who demand respect;
The ones who make me smile,
For ones who helped me go the other mile;
To the ones who showed me beauty;
To the ones who’ve made clear my duty;
For the ones who never backed up from a fight;
For my friends who were humble with all their might;
To especially my best friend;
To the friends I’d die for;
To the ones who truly help me amount
This is to you, my friends,
Who I’d die without
(please comment and follow my blog if you'd like!)
Like today - I had my black belt pre-test, and I was kind of nervous. And you know how sometimes we tend to think the worst under stress: which would be failing for me. But many of my friends were like, "Oh, you'll just blow them away, girl." And I love that: being able to borrow confidence outside of myself. Kind of like how music can make us dance, even when we don't want to.
And I did great on the test - I knew I could - I just wasn't sure if I would. It was kind of crazy though - the whole pre-test. When I first entered the room, where a dozen of us were testing, you could smell almost the pressure and hear the whispered fears. I hate that - going from the blue skies outside to an atmosphere where no one smiles. Probably not a good thing - considering how much my friends playfully tease me about how I can't not smile. But the only thing we should fear is fear itself, no?
So here is something for you. It's not too polished, but you'll get the jist of it :)
To All my Friends
Old and new; young and old;
Stayed and left; gone and remained;
To the ones who laugh with me;
To the ones who laugh at me;
To the ones who think I’m cool and clever;
To the ones who will stick with me forever;
The friends who think I’m absurd and weird;
To the ones who never ever feared;
For the ones whom with I’ve cried,
During the times when I’ve been tried;
To the friends who’ve shown me the way;
To them who never let me forget how to play;
To the friends who forgive;
The ones who taught me how to live;
For the ones who are always there;
For them who constantly care;
To the friends who carried me over valleys;
For the ones who’ve shown me the deep dark alleys;
For the friends who make themselves well heard,
Flying free like a bird;
For the friends who’ve been there through thick and thin;
For the friends who value me as much as I do them;
To my close friends; and to the ones I barely knew;
To the friends I’d want to know more,
Deeper and deeper to the core;
For the ones who are honest;
For the friends who demand respect;
The ones who make me smile,
For ones who helped me go the other mile;
To the ones who showed me beauty;
To the ones who’ve made clear my duty;
For the ones who never backed up from a fight;
For my friends who were humble with all their might;
To especially my best friend;
To the friends I’d die for;
To the ones who truly help me amount
This is to you, my friends,
Who I’d die without
(please comment and follow my blog if you'd like!)
9.19.2008
Shining Darkness
"Life is like hiking up a mountain." There he was: off and away on one of those talks again.
"And what's drives us up, past the scheming rocks and lurking snakes, is the view of the sunset at the top." The man from my church thoughtfully finished his grand sentence.
Yes, the notion did sound beautiful, but the idea didn't seem to sink in. I mean, what happens after we reach the mountaintop? Do we die from the magnificence? I doubt. For we climb up in life to go back down, and we go down to climb up once more. Life's like that - filled with twists & curves, ups & downs.
So really it is not that we have one mountain - or one sunset in our lives - it is that we have many mountains to climb, and numerous sunsets to see. In other words, things may bring us down in life from our mountain top, but we always go back up to glimpse another setting sun. Because it's worth it - it's worth getting through the tight spots to get to the amazing ones. Though sometimes we wonder why couldn't we just stay up there on the high mountain forever.
But if we could, would we? For the bottoms of our mountains - the hard parts of life - make us realize how great the sunset really is. Without evil, we wouldn't fully recognize the good. Without the sins, we couldn't see the mercy. Without hate, we couldn't understand the greatness of love.
For example, the grass is green, right? Well of course, I mean everyone knows that. But, what if it wasn't green? What if the grass was gray all year around except for one week - one chance - to be green? We would definitely notice that the grass was green for that one week - for one week we would marvel at it's color. But because the grass isn't gray, we hardly notice the luscious green stalks crying out the delicate dew drops. It's just a fact to us usually, and nothing more.
And so, without knowing what it's like at the bottom of a mountain, we would never be able to feel the complete beauty of the radiant setting sun on mountaintop. Without the downs in life, we would never recognize the ups - never fully know the beauty. So while we may despise our downfalls and heartbreaks, they in fact show us realize how great life can be.
(would love to hear your comments!)
{thanks to my followers :) }
"And what's drives us up, past the scheming rocks and lurking snakes, is the view of the sunset at the top." The man from my church thoughtfully finished his grand sentence.
Yes, the notion did sound beautiful, but the idea didn't seem to sink in. I mean, what happens after we reach the mountaintop? Do we die from the magnificence? I doubt. For we climb up in life to go back down, and we go down to climb up once more. Life's like that - filled with twists & curves, ups & downs.
So really it is not that we have one mountain - or one sunset in our lives - it is that we have many mountains to climb, and numerous sunsets to see. In other words, things may bring us down in life from our mountain top, but we always go back up to glimpse another setting sun. Because it's worth it - it's worth getting through the tight spots to get to the amazing ones. Though sometimes we wonder why couldn't we just stay up there on the high mountain forever.
But if we could, would we? For the bottoms of our mountains - the hard parts of life - make us realize how great the sunset really is. Without evil, we wouldn't fully recognize the good. Without the sins, we couldn't see the mercy. Without hate, we couldn't understand the greatness of love.
For example, the grass is green, right? Well of course, I mean everyone knows that. But, what if it wasn't green? What if the grass was gray all year around except for one week - one chance - to be green? We would definitely notice that the grass was green for that one week - for one week we would marvel at it's color. But because the grass isn't gray, we hardly notice the luscious green stalks crying out the delicate dew drops. It's just a fact to us usually, and nothing more.
And so, without knowing what it's like at the bottom of a mountain, we would never be able to feel the complete beauty of the radiant setting sun on mountaintop. Without the downs in life, we would never recognize the ups - never fully know the beauty. So while we may despise our downfalls and heartbreaks, they in fact show us realize how great life can be.
(would love to hear your comments!)
{thanks to my followers :) }
9.16.2008
Porcelain Wings
Ah! sometimes I feellike a mariposa
Yes, a butterfly
Made: porcelain china
My beauty lures
They touch my wings
They know not better
For hurt - it stings
Yes! I should be a mariposa
Flutter up
Now down
No straight path
Yet painted like a clown
Ha! I could be a mariposa
In a cocoon
Finding who I am
Weaved in a loom
Ah! I am a mariposa
For though confronted
With many things
Once a time misled
I still have my wings
Free to fly
Up in the sky
Yes, a butterfly
{please comment :) }
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